EP31: From Yoga Mat to Psychiatrist Couch

From Yoga Mat to Psychiatrist Couch. Unc and Phew start off discussing their surprisingly identical views of yoga, and end up in intense self psychoanalysis, with a variety of epiphanies along the way.

Show Notes

Working on Catchphrases

  • Which is better? The Worst Podcast You’ve Never Listed to, or The Worst Podcast You’ve Ever Listened To?
  • In keeping with our obligation to our listener (singular), we’ve taken our preparation to a new loan
  • Like a CNN journalist accompanying an FBI raid
  • Low quality output you’re accustomed to

Spiritual Disjunct with Yoga

  • Unc has done over 600 yoga classes in the last three years
  • In September of 2019, he quit
  • Had a spiritual disjunct with yoga
  • There is a spiritual element to yoga
  • All this other stuff that surrounds it
  • There is very specific culture within a yoga studio
  • Stereotypical culture for yoga at the yoga studios he’s attended
  • Clashes with Unc’s spiritual beliefs

A Call From a Friend

  • Friend called and asked Unc this question: How do you reconcile your beliefs with what you encounter at yoga?
  • Wanted to get away from the conflict
  • Phew: lots of generic crap
  • “We’re resonating with the universe”
  • Generic, new-age abstraction
  • Qi Gong: moving meditation
  • Many things are considered moving meditations

Generic Spiritualism

  • There is something about inserting a generic spiritualism that leaves a bad taste in your mouth
  • Phew is not one with Harvey Weinstein
  • Unc has said, out loud in a yoga class, “Shut the fuck up”
  • Especially at the end, when instructors tend to just ramble
  • Sometimes there is a drippy heaviness in the comments

Fetal Position

  • Feels so weird about getting into fetal position
  • Unc never gets into fetal position
  • Unc and Phew are in total lockstep on this point, which surprises them
  • Phew’s partner Gloria is a long-time yoga instructor
  • When someone is trying to force a spiritual experience on you, it’s really awkward and uncomfortable

Sensory vs Intuitive

  • Myers-Briggs Indicator: 16 different combinations a person can be
  • Sensory vs intuitive
  • Sensory: needs to read the directions
  • Intuitive: just figure things out on their own
  • Intuitive people read into things much more than people who are sensory

Bringing this Back to Yoga

  • 60% or more are sensory
  • They lack the ability to perceive much beyond what’s at face value
  • Most social situations are full of S type people
  • S types are happy being in a social experience where nothing is happening except maybe drinking and hanging out – to them, that IS the social experience
  • They’re just there drinking and high-fiving and hanging out
  • They don’t necessarily need a quality conversation or interaction – just being there IS the social experience

The Awkwardness of I Types

  • For I types, they need more, and the shallowness of that type of a situation makes them uncomfortable
  • So, brining this back to yoga, having an instructor talk about spiritual things IS the spiritual experience for them
  • S types don’t necessarily need that spirituality grounded in fact or connected to any generally accepted foundation – just someone saying “We’re all vibrating as one” can actually qualify as a spiritual experience to them
  • There is no need for depth or meaning for so many people

Observing a Social Event Comprised of Ss

  • The dreaded “assembly of tables” near where Unc was dining last night
  • A work thing, it appeared, among manly men, with just one woman in attendance
  • They were having a great time, but what they were doing
  • There is value in basic social interaction, but, at a certain point, Unc needs more than small talk
  • No depth to any of the conversations
  • Eleanor Roosevelt quote: Great people talk about ideas. Average people talk about things. Small people talk about other people.

Small Talk

  • Small people talk about other people
  • How often people talk about other people
  • Everyone knows a Sammy
  • People who are genuinely interested in the small
  • It’s difficult to be an Intuitive person

Myers-Briggs Type Indicator

  • Go to 16personalities.com and check it out
  • Most of Phew’s life, he’s felt like he doesn’t belong
  • He’s in the minority
  • Phew is an ENFP, which is THE MOST rare personality type for men
  • Suddenly felt absolved of all the things he’s felt throughout his life
  • NOW he understands why he never felt like he fit in

Dating is a Nightmare

  • Dating is a nightmare for Phew
  • Phew is too emotional for most women
  • The norm: the woman is emotional, and the man is stoic
  • Many woman can’t handle that level of communication from a man, and they misinterpret it
  • Unc is basically the same as Phew
  • She’s the man in the relationship, and I’m the woman
  • Would you please just shut the fuck up
  • Unc never feels like a part of anything
  • Increasing exponentially over time

Unc Has No Friends

  • What it was like in my earliest memory
  • My entire social universe existed on one street
  • At age 5 or 6, had an established social network
  • Unc had more friends at age 6 than he does today
  • Has just two or three friends today
  • Going back through communications, they are almost entirely professional in nature
  • Almost nothing of a personal nature

William Beteet III

  • Phew talked his friend, William Beteet III, into moving to the south of France
  • Then moving to Paris
  • A British citizen, half Indian, half black, born in Indonesia, raised in Hong Kong, went to school in Texas
  • Designed a high level course on Frame Control
  • If you don’t have a specific reason for living in NYC, you shouldn’t
  • Language allows you to navigate life
  • Without language, you have to rely on other things to navigate life
  • Forces you to use parts of your brain that you typically don’t use

Becoming a Different You Through Relocation

  • You become a different person
  • Actions become identity
  • You perform different actions, so you become a different person
  • You’re just a different you
  • If he went back to London, he’d be the same person
  • If he went to France, he’d become a different person
  • William being gone has made Phew realize how few friends he really has
  • You’re forced to confront thoughts you can normally escape when your time is taken up with normal everyday socializing
  • You have to sit and confront your own thoughts

Introspective vs Not Introspective

  • Unc thinks he is introspective to the point of it being a negative
  • Most people are not very introspective
  • Large percentage that is not introspective at all, EVER
  • People who cannot handle any form of criticism whatsoever
  • Know Thyself

Phew wrote the Power Bible

  • First thing in the book: having power starts with having power over yourself first
  • And knowing yourself is the only way that process can begin
  • What got you here won’t get you there
  • People who are super successful have that trait: they can take feedback and make no judgments about it
  • Willing and flexible in terms of accepting and incorporating that feedback into their lives

A Real Life Example

  • Unc started a business with Stefan Swanepoel
  • Never met anyone like him
  • Whatever he touches turns to gold
  • Leading speaker, author and trends analyst in real estate in the world
  • One of Stefan’s greatest qualities: never talks about himself
  • He never tells anyone about his credentials
  • He has no need to impress anyone
  • He will listen to ANYONE, credentialed or otherwise
  • In every context, he acts the same
  • He listens to everyone
  • Very basic skills that are not difficult
  • Thinks Gary V is probably one of those people

Controlling the Downside of Emotion-Driven Behavior

  • The degree to which emotions control people
  • Never reply to an email in anger
  • Unc: never reply to an email that angers you until the next day
  • Phew: assess strategic things in the most dispassionate manner possible
  • The book Finite and Infinite Games: If you have to play, you cannot play

Dealing with Issues

  • People at the highest echelon don’t put guns to people’s heads
  • Phew not sure if he’s bipolar or not, but it runs in the family
  • Unc is both a workoutaholic and an alcoholic
  • Phew practices dry January

Batten Down the Hatches

  • Phew has episodes of depression that feels like a storm
  • Like a fog that rolls in
  • Was at a prayer group years ago describing that
  • Pastor: if it’s a storm, just get in the basement and wait until it passes
  • Now, Phew does nothing – just battens down the hatches and waits for the storm to pass
  • Phew does less damage if he just lays low, as opposed to taking any action
  • This too shall pass
  • Today is not my day
  • Avoid being destructive; stop the bleeding
  • The first step to being good: avoid being bad

Success ideas

  • Madonna: not the most talented performer
  • Woody Allen: 90% of success is just showing up
  • She just showed up and did the work
  • Just do the thing
  • Joe Rogan’s podcast: a big part of his success is him just showing up and doing it
  • He IS great, but him showing up is a big part of that success
  • Baby picture of Phew